Sad news....

Well after keeping this big secret all through the holidays we finally got our chance to see the baby last night during the first ultrasound. I felt anxious all day and have had a bad feeling that something would be wrong. Well I guess my intuitions were correct because we were told that the baby had no heartbeat and had stopped growing at 6w1d. I/we was/were devastated...it still feels unreal. I know that there was nothing I could do to prevent it, that it happens to many people and in fact many of our friends...but it just feels unreal. So tomorrow morning I am scheduled for a D&C to remove the fetus. I am really scared...I have never been to the hospital for anything other than visiting people before. I am so sad that the plans we had started to make and the decisions we were making about our lives are not going to happen....at least for a while longer. I am scared to go through this again. We will have to wait several months to even start trying again. NO 2008 baby...and I really thought finally this would be our year. I am glad the few people that know are good understanding friends, but I still feel lonely. After tomorrow I am going to try to focus on myself. (I need to lose some weight that the PG hormones helped me gain and I can start my running again). I was alway the first person to say things happen for a reason...but after all John and I have been through, I am just wondering what the reason is??